29 January 2008
Because of who you are and what you do, you have been selected to be incessantly pestered by a relentless stream of [insert adjective] questions.
You could paper the walls of a small room in your house with the multitude of letters received so far, or maybe a closet, or at least part of an outhouse.
The array of stamps and postmarks from near and far would impress many a collector, especially those who don't get out much or may tend to collect anything.
Not to mention the envelopes, each one a pop art masterpiece in its own right, hand crafted with the utmost care and precision in order to make it through the postal system without falling apart.
But this is just part of the packaging, paper manifestation of a creative dynamo that will never cease to delight and amaze you, hopefully not piss you off, not too much, maybe a little, but who knows, so what, that would be your problem.
Having to tippytoe around revealing any concept or any hint of an idea, yet still maintain a high enough degree of entertainment integrity is a testament to mental acumen on a grand scale.
But wait, there's more. This comes with its own buzz generator. Just plug it in and watch it go Go GO! Whatever goes wrong, you won't be to blame.
What have you got to lose? It's like a bad dream that won't go away, because you like it!
Act now and you will get a special bonus: Loads and loads of extra PR!
Why hesitate? Is it just too much to handle, or are you laughing too hard to do anything else, or crying, maybe both. Or just too damn busy?
Maybe you've just lost your mind. Believe me, I would know.
So get set, strap in, clench your buttocks for an explosion of [your favorite word]
Some moods may vary. Offer may not apply in other dimensions. Prohibited where void.
Loco texas may apply. Underwear not included. Prices vary depending on attitude.