8 December 2007
Dear Lorne,

Sometimes as you gain momentum, you lose control. When I started this project, the objective was to write a series of one page letters to help you learn more about me and how I may be of use to you.
By the time you get this one, who knows how far the printed mailing date will be past when it was actually written. While the next letter could be the last, I am having fun writing you, and would like to thank you for whatever extent you may have indulged me thus far.

Do you ever get the feeling of how lonely it can be at the top? When you are the one who stops the buck, it's your baby, while everyone else seems to be along for the ride? The general public is the most unforgiving boss. You let someone else cover for you, there will be a mess waiting when you return. Once I won a free day at a ski resort, calling the radio station who was offering a day off from work for whoever had the most interesting job. Unfortunately, I couldn't go because there was nobody to run the store and answer the phones. Many a time I was stuck in the store, but at least I made the best of it.

There was a sign on the door to warn those with heart conditions or the terminally serious that they were about to enter a joke store. That their shopping experience may involve being zapped, squirted, burnt, pinched or otherwise had. When explaining my favorite part of demonstrating a prank, it was not merely getting them to go along with it, or even the act itself of playing the joke with the ensuing reaction. The best part was rubbing it in afterwards, the fact that they knew it was a joke yet still fell for it, like Lucy and Charlie Brown with the football. My inner monster was awakening.

They were telling me I should be a game show host or on a stage, preferably the next one out of town. One slogan for my contemplated mayoral campaign would have been: "One more reason to hate me"   Some crank caller said he was going to blow up the store. I told him to go right ahead, I needed a vacation. One of our flyers said it was the Mother of all joke stores. Some may have thought of me as a different sort of mother. Does it seem to you that the ones who least appreciate having jokes played on them are the ones who need it the most? At least they have the more memorable reactions.

Don't worry, be happy,