30 October, 2007
For the first time in a few months, my brain seems to firing on the majority of its cylinders, rather than constantly misfiring like a donkey on Valium. There were times when I wanted to write down certain ideas, but the pain in my head or chest immobilized me to the point where the self preservation instinct took priority over creative expression which, although of fundamental importance to my being, when you feel like you might drop dead any minute, there is really no choice. Sometimes a retreat is necessary in order to fight again another day.
Just before a jetliner takes off, more so on a shorter runway, the engines are powered up just before releasing the brake, giving it that extra push. Have you ever attempted what seemed to be impossible, feeling like there was no pressure to succeed since nobody thought you had a chance, yet drawn to it by the sheer scale of the challenge? Usually you find that once into it, you realize that things will fall into place or not, yet either way you will have benefitted from the experience.
Sometimes people would come into my store wearing plastic bracelets which could have been from either a mental hospital or an all inclusive resort, which share certain similarities as far as services offered and how the guests conduct themselves. Since there were no resorts in the neighborhood, people with such bracelets were generally treated with extra care. I thought about selling them, since these could have been used like a free pass from the responsibilities of reality.
Now as I seem to be mentally and physically returning from a journey to the land of the lost, like a hot air balloon cutting loose all its sandbags, rising up into the sky higher than ever, whatever direction the winds may take me, it's all part of life's roller coaster ride. Maybe someday we will be on the same track. You run one of the more popular attractions in the amusement park where the only boundaries are self imposed. Whether I rock or tank, there will always be a way to tweak the situation to everyone's advantage.
Imagine there's no pressure, anywhere you move, no expectations, flowing in the groove...