17 October 2007
Dear Lorne,

Anyone Can Host contest runner up was not quite the same experience as entertaining at a children's party, yet certain principles may overlap. When making your entrance, don't come on too strong. Wait for them come to you, on their terms. Blow bubbles or make  newspaper hats as their curiosity grows. Follow your gut feeling, relax and so will those around you. Let the situation flow.

A study that broke down components of communication found that the words had maybe around fifteen percent relevance. The other two in nearly equal proportion were gestures and tone of voice. What could be more universal than a smile? Except for maybe a bullet. Make-up, if any, should be kept simple. Once after hastily applying my yet to be evolved clown face, I looked in the mirror and scared myself, kind of like the hobo cretin from hell. To this day, I still have occasion to wear the jester outfit made for me back when I sold and rented costumes.  

Wearing an animal head can be a parable for life in general. Sometimes the more outlandish looking on the outside, were the most constricting and difficult to see out of from the inside. Have you ever worn a giant bunny head where you could only see though a small opening in the mouth? Extra caution is needed as you move to avoid abrupt contact with something or somebody, not to mention other hazards such as stairways, dogs, swimming pools, moving vehicles, construction debris, airplane propellers, skunks, tourists, terrorists, hillbillies, evangelists, ex girlfriends and spouses, donkeys, bullies, hooligans, tax auditors, landlords, nuns, tabloid reporters, perverts, groupies, chainsaws, gang members, (not to be confused with gameboys), large rodents, criminals, police, boomerangs, bill collectors, monsters, clowns and other circus freaks, politicians, panhandlers, cannibals, celebrities, good and bad Sammaritans, volcanoes, earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear proliferation, the Man, recruiters, canine deposits and people who say: "Trust me, this won't hurt, I'm your friend, relax, smile, I promise, because I say so, do you love me?"

What sort of transition may be in order for the newly hired stand up comedian to help them down off their cloud and blend in their energy to your liking? If I could be a fly on the wall Saturday afternoon through to the final cut meeting, only speaking when asked, then afterwards could write one last letter more insightful than all the others put together. What have you got to lose, your sanity, what sanity?

Sweet dreams,