-16-
11 October 2007
Dear Lorne,

Some of the money I got from appearing as an Anyone Can Host finalist went to pay for my return  to France, mainly to see my future ex wife. We met at university restaurant where she was waiting outside for her boyfriend. She was tarted up, her eyes with the Cleopatra/Amy Wineshouse mascara. I asked her if she knew how to milk cows, thinking she would tell me to go to hell, but she didn't. I said that my money was tight, but if she wanted to take me to the movies, I would go. A few days later we went.
A few weeks later we hitch hiked up to Sweden, took a boat to Finland then up over the Arctic circle to Norway, where we had a falling out and ended up returning to France separately.

Have you ever been to Lapland in July?  Answering nature's call outdoors is a nightmare, unless you enjoy being swarmed by mosquitos. We had to buy her a beekeepers' hat to keep her face from swelling up even more, since we usually slept outside. One night we spent in a sawmill, the next morning just leaving out of the door at one end as the workers were coming in the other. We were off and on for a few years, then after I got my company going in Seattle, I sent her a plane ticket.

She did not like my beard. Shortly after the show she mailed some razor blades from France. Before the show I was doing the postcards. After I was doing unsolicited material for you and short stories until the following spring. Sometimes the ritual was to have a bowl of coffee around midnight, maybe a good cry, then write until dawn. I wasn't too sure about having a box of razor blades so readily available.

Some people are lucky enough to fall in love with the right person and live happily ever after. While most of us either have no idea what we are getting into, or don't want to spoil things with a reality check. Some of our greatest accomplishments we probably would not attempted if we had known any better at the time. She came to visit for a month, then we extended her visa, then she got pregnant. Is the rhythm method more a way to show how you have no rhythm?

We got married, bought a house, had three beautiful daughters, none of them planned. If complaining were a sport, the French would win every medal and my ex would be the national hero.

Hope you have been one of those few lucky ones,