29 April 2009

Howard Stern
c/o Sirius Satellite Radio
1221 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
cc: Lorne Michaels

Dear Howard,  

How is it that when people are not sure what to make of you, rather than keep an open mind, limits get pushed until opinion is provoked? We may be fighting the same dragon in different ways and may not agree on everything, but I admire your intelligence and how you back your beliefs with passion. If there's a nerve to be struck, would those with the knack and/or curse of finding it, not only be unable to resist giving it their best shot, but feel a responsibility to do so?

We've both almost hosted Saturday Night Live. I was runner up in the Anyone Can Host contest, back in the days when there was more willingness to experiment. Awhile ago I started writing to Lorne, not really sure where it was all going, just to kind of say hello and bring him up to date.
As long as I kept getting ideas, why not share them? Of course nothing that could be construed as unsolicited material and kick open a legal can of worms, just ways I could be useful in making the show even better. Each letter eventually gets posted to my site, dwdiamond.com.

Perhaps you might find them of interest. If it didn't extend beyond the bounds of entertainment, I wouldn't bother bothering you, but do you ever feel like it's all one big puppet show? Like the body snatchers have taken over and we are among the few left who haven't yet been converted? I can't say that I'm not happy with what life has offered so far, even with hindsight highlighting the time and chances wasted, yet I feel that we all have a purpose to make the world better in proportion to our capacities, and that I must better position myself in order to work on a greater scale. You've known the need to break through to higher plateaus, such as when you went to satellite. Was censorship a foil of sorts to bounce concepts off of? Did it ever feel like a sperm cell, catapulted into action just to hit a wall and be flushed? Now beyond this constraint, ever feel like something is missing? 

While not yet working with SNL in an official capacity, I can see a way to bridge the gap that kept you from hosting years ago. Did you once say you would give them a 'lick in the ass'? Your quotes are all over the net. I just type 'ho' into my browser and there you are. How did Bubba manage to  address the crow? Anyone can pick apart what's not funny, can the laughter flow by just letting it happen? When the time window opens to slip a bug up somebody's crack, need it be spelled out?

Could we have some fun with this? Is it better to back away from something based on how it may look to others, or to forge ahead fueled by the conviction in your heart?

Schlong live the King,